When People Ask Questions About You but Dont Know You
Sometimes, you meet someone, and you just click. You lot feel similar you lot've been besties your entire life and honestly tin't believe there was a time when you didn't fifty-fifty know they existed. And then, there'due south those other relationships that have a lilliputian more work—i.e., how information technology feels like pulling teeth to learn anything about your brother-in-law. While you might never exist BFFs with your BIL, in that location is a trick yous can employ to get him to open up up a little more.
Terri Orbuch, PhD, writer of 5 Simple Steps to Accept Your Marriage from Skilful to Cracking , says getting to know someone starts with the "latitude questions"—think: impersonal only of import biographical info well-nigh a person'due south family, their career, and if they're single or married, for example. (Although if you're asking these q's of your BIL... you lot should probably definitely know the answer to that last one.)
Tamekis Williams, LCSW, founder of Mission Dorothy Female Empowerment Services, adds that you want to ask open-ended questions that will allow the other person to elaborate, instead of questions that tin exist answered with a elementary "yes" or "no."
After all, if you really want to get to know someone beyond the surface level, yous've got to dig deeper. "Topics that get at the other person's inner world—their thoughts, goals, and dreams—will strengthen and increase bonding between two people," Orbuch notes. "Sharing personal information strengthens whatsoever human relationship, and deeper questions focus on that personal self-disclosure."
Btw, that's a two-way street, adds Williams. "When initially coming together someone, it is of import to be inviting and warm so that the other person tin initially experience comfortable talking with you."
On that note, Williams suggests taking a careful approach in your questions, as you don't want the other person to feel similar you lot're violating their privacy. Questions you should probably steer clear of early on on: "Democrat or Republican?" "Practise you ain or rent?" and "What is your faith or spiritual belief?".
In that location are other ways to bypass minor talk and learn more than in-depth info about the other person, says Williams. "You lot tin can get the answers [you're looking for] past sometimes answering those questions yourself while sharing almost yous. An example would look similar: 'I just moved to Georgia final twelvemonth and found a cute community that I fell in love with and purchased a home. What about you lot, do you honey where you live?'"
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With a little patience, you'll become way closer with the person you're just getting to know in no time. Here are 200 not-boring questions to go you started:
"Asking someone about their preferences helps you to empathize who they are equally a person," says Rebecca Hendrix, a therapist in New York. The important thing here is to go deeper by asking follow-up questions. For example, "If you notice out they like dogs, have information technology a bit deeper by asking them what they like most near their dog or their favorite brood," Hendrix explains.
"Commonalities oft open the door for farther conversation and, once that door is open, you can start a dialogue that allows the other person to elaborate and not requite close-concluded answers," Williams adds.
Some other ideas:
1. What'due south your favorite fashion to spend a day off?
2. What type of music are y'all into?
3. What was the best vacation you lot always took and why?
4. Where's the adjacent place on your travel bucket list and why?
5. What are your hobbies, and how did you get into them?
6. What was your favorite historic period growing up?
vii. What was the concluding matter you read?
viii. Would y'all say you're more of an extrovert or an introvert?
nine. What's your favorite ice cream topping?
10. What was the last TV show you binge-watched?
11. Are you into podcasts or do y'all just listen to music?
12. Do y'all accept a favorite holiday? Why or why not?
13. If you could just eat one nutrient for the rest of your life, what would it be?
14. Do you similar going to the movies or prefer watching at home?
15. What'south your favorite sleeping position?
16. What's your go-to guilty pleasure?
17. In the summertime, would you lot rather become to the beach or go camping?
xviii. What'south your favorite quote from a Television set show/movie/book?
19. How former were you when y'all had your beginning celebrity vanquish, and who was information technology?
20. What'southward ane thing that can instantly make your day ameliorate?
21. Exercise you accept any pet peeves?
22. Which meal is your favorite: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
23. What song ever gets you out on the dance flooring?
24. When you were a kid, did you swallow the crusts on your sandwich or non?
25. What activity instantly calms you?
26. Ideally, how would you spend your birthday?
27. What do you do on your commute to/from work?
28. Are yous a fan of musicals—why or why non?
29. What's your favorite flavor and why?
30. What'south the best joke you've ever heard?
Questions tin help deepen whatsoever human relationship, merely you lot should never have to enquire these ones if you're in a good for you human relationship:
31. What's the telephone app you lot employ well-nigh?
32. Would you rather cook or club in?
33. Accept your ever disliked something and and so changed your mind?
34. What's your favorite board game?
35. How do you lot have your coffee?
36 What's your almost prized possession and why?
37. Is there any product that yous couldn't alive without?
38. Practice you sleep with a top sheet? Why or why not?
39. If you lot could have any exotic animal as a pet, which would it exist?
forty. What would exist the commencement thing you'd do if you won the lottery?
41. What's your favorite way to unwind?
42. How exercise you bask spending your alone time?
43. What's the best concert you've ever been to?
44. Exercise you have a favorite type of practise?
45. What causes are you passionate most?
46. What's something you lot're excited about right at present?
47. What's your favorite content genre (horror, sci-fi, rom-com, etc.)?
48. What's an essential part of your daily routine?
49. What'southward the best gift you've ever received?
50. What'south the worst gift you lot've ever received, and what did you practise virtually it?
No thing how a person feels about his or her job, the fact is, tons of people spend a lot of time and free energy at work. To help y'all go to know someone better, "facilitate a chat where you are left knowing how they feel about their career," Hendrix says.
Just prepare yourself to return that openness when they inquire the same of you lot and your work life. "Initial conversations set the tone for if the person wants to continue to go to know you, so be ready to reply some questions equally well," Williams says.
Attempt out these convo-starters:
51. If you could cull your own work schedule, would y'all?
52. Is at that place ane job y'all'd never ever practice?
53. What's the starting time matter you do after getting abode from work?
54. Who or what inspires you lot in your career?
55. How do you approach taking time off from work?
56. What's something an outsider wouldn't know almost your industry?
57. Practise you take a forenoon routine at work? If so, what information technology'due south like?
58. What's your commute to work like?
59. Are you lot able to work from home, and if so, do you lot bask it?
threescore. Practise you get forth with all your coworkers?
61. What'south your favorite thing nearly your current chore?
62. What annoys you near?
63. What's the career highlight you're most proud of?
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64. Do you think you'll stay in your current gig awhile? Why or why not?
65. What blazon of role exercise yous want to take on afterwards this i?
66. Are you more of a "work to live" or a "live to work" blazon of person?
67. Does your job brand you lot feel happy and fulfilled? Why or why not?
68. How would your 10-year-erstwhile self react to what you do now?
69. What do you lot call back most about your first task?
70. How quondam were yous when you started working?
71. What'south the worst job you've ever had?
72. What originally got you interested in your current field of work?
73. Have you ever had a side hustle or considered having one?
74. What'due south your favorite part of the workday?
75. What's the best career conclusion you lot've ever made?
76. What's the worst career decision y'all've always made?
77. Do y'all consider yourself good at networking?
78. What career advice would you give to your younger self?
79. Do you believe in having a "five-twelvemonth program"?
80. How do you separate your work life from your dwelling house life?
81. When will you know you lot've "made it"?
82. Are you looking forward to retiring, or do you program to work equally long as possible?
83. Have you ever had "imposter syndrome"?
84. What do y'all think about workaholics?
85. What qualities practice you lot await for in a boss?
86. Do you lot take a professional mentor? If not, do you want i?
87. What energizes y'all about your career?
88. Are y'all into subsequently-work happy hours?
89. How do you motivate yourself in your career?
90. What's the best career communication you've ever heard?
91. What's the worst career advice y'all've always received?
92. When you started your current job, what about surprised yous?
93. How practise you option yourself back upward after making a fault at work?
94. How do you deal with piece of work stress?
95. Do you have a piece of work bestie?
96. What's one piece of work-related thing yous want to accomplish in the next year?
97. Who has had the biggest touch on your career pick?
98. What does your family think of your career?
99. What'due south the best matter you've learned in your current position?
100. If you could do it all over over again, would you lot pursue the aforementioned career? Why or why not?
A not bad way to get to know someone on a more personal level? Acquire about the people they beloved. "Request questions near shut relationships tin pb to stories, and sharing stories leads to connection and an experience of being seen by ane another," Hendrix explains. Try:
101. How much time practice you spend with your family?
102. Who do you lot nearly like spending time with and why?
103. Which family member makes the best food?
104. How has your opinion of your family changed over the years?
105. If you're close with your family, what'southward the hardest function about spending time away from them?
106. Do yous wish y'all had a bigger family, or are y'all happy with its current size?
107. Which family member has had the greatest impact on yous?
108. What does your family's terminal proper name hateful? (Look it up if you lot don't know!)
109. Who's the best souvenir-giver in your family?
110. What's your favorite story about your grandparents?
111. Accept y'all ever mapped out your family tree?
112. Were yous close with your family growing upwardly?
113. How practise you lot ascertain your family now?
114. What traits are near important to you in your family members?
115. Who in your family makes you lot feel the safest?
116. Do you desire a family unit of your own?
117. Accept you always been to a family reunion?
118. If you could change your human relationship with a family fellow member, would y'all? If so, with whom?
119. What was it similar growing upwardly equally the youngest/oldest/middle/only kid?
120. Does your family unit ever take trips together?
121. What's your favorite family unit memory?
122. What TV family most reminds you of your own?
123. Exercise you ever wish you were raised differently?
124. What's the best slice of advice a family member has given y'all?
125. Do yous wish you lot had more siblings? If so, why?
126. Did you e'er hide anything from or lie to your parents?
127. If y'all had a family business organisation, what would it exist?
128. Practise y'all and your family have any nicknames for each other?
129. What's your favorite way to spend fourth dimension with your family?
130. How exercise y'all show your family you lot dear them?
131. What's your favorite family unit tradition?
132. What'due south the nearly important holiday you spend with your family and why?
133. Who in your family unit would you draw as a "character"?
134. How do you experience about family events?
135. What's something your family would be surprised to learn virtually you?
136. Which family fellow member do you confide in most?
137. How do yous deal with arguments between family unit members?
138. If you take children, how exercise you want to heighten them?
139. What's more of import: family or friends?
140. Practise y'all have any friends you would consider family?
141. Has your family always pressured you lot to act a certain way?
142. Did you ever get to meet your smashing-grandparents?
143. What personality traits do you share with your relatives?
144. What physical traits do you share with your relatives?
145. What stories did your family unit members tell you growing upwards?
146. How did your parents (and/or grandparents) meet?
147. What makes you lot proud of your family?
148. Who's the newest member of your family?
149. What tin always bring your family together?
"In learning about someone'south values, you are learning about their possessor'southward manual," Hendrix explains. Fifty-fifty seemingly mundane questions can get at a person's values—like what's motivating them to exercise well on a presentation or what they look for in an Southward.O.
"By learning most someone's life philosophy, you're able to get at their truthful essence, how they live their life, and what drives their actions," Orbuch adds.
That said, you lot can't but ask, "What are your values?". What you tin can inquire:
150. What exercise you think makes someone a "skillful person"?
151. Do you believe in dearest at outset sight?
152. How do you show kindness to others?
153. Practice you believe in soulmates? Why or why not?
154. What do you await for in a friendship?
155. How do your daily priorities reflect your overall values in life?
156. Do yous believe time you enjoy wasting is not wasted fourth dimension?
157. What life lessons take you had to learn the difficult way?
158. Do you believe what is meant for yous will never miss you?
159. Have you ever experienced true love, and how did you know?
160. What'southward a human relationship deal breaker for you lot?
161. If yous had only one sense (hearing, impact, sight, etc.), which would y'all desire?
162. Exercise you volunteer at all?
163. What makes you experience at peace?
164. What are you lot most proud of in the last year?
165. What makes you feel most achieved?
166. Who practice yous admire nearly in the earth?
167. Would you lot rather make more money doing a job you detest or less doing 1 you love?
168. Which of your personality traits are you most proud of?
169. What'south the first thing you wait for in a partner and/or friend?
170. How has your perspective on the world changed over fourth dimension?
171. Do you lot live by any piece of advice or motto?
172. How can someone earn your trust?
173. How can someone lose your trust?
174. Would y'all rather someone be honest and hurt your feelings or lie to protect them?
175. If you could snap your fingers and instantly make the earth better, what would you lot do?
176. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
177. Accept you ever lost a friend? If so, what happened?
178. If you could only teach one affair to your (time to come) child, what would it exist?
179. What'due south the scariest thing you've always done, and why did yous do information technology?
180. Do you believe in second chances?
181. Where exercise you get your news?
182. What is your biggest irrational fear?
183. Are y'all agile on social media, or do you prefer to be more than private?
184. What is your definition of success?
185. Are you lot an organ donor, and how did you come to that determination?
186. Practice you believe yous should do one thing a 24-hour interval that scares you?
187. What, if anything, do y'all think happens afterwards death?
189. What line should someone never cross with you?
190. How do you define beauty?
191. Do you believe in life on other planets?
192. How do you collaborate with someone who disagrees with you?
"These questions get at what the person is motivated past," says Orbuch. "What gives them the forcefulness to wake upwardly every mean solar day and get going? What do they dream and recollect about in their twenty-four hour period?" When y'all learn well-nigh someone'southward dreams, you share something more than intimate. Jumpstart a deep conversation by asking this:
193. Do you think our dreams have hidden meanings?
194. When you lot want to surrender, what keeps you lot going?
195. Practise you live by any words of wisdom?
196. What'due south the outset footstep you take in trying to achieve a new goal?
197. How exercise you lot turn a "no" into a "yeah"?
198. What practice you exercise to overcome a personal setback?
199. Is it easy for y'all to accept assistance in achieving your dreams?
200. If you could practice annihilation, likewise what you're doing now, what would you lot do?
201. What do you regret not doing in the last year?
202. What's on your bucket list?
203. If y'all had unlimited coin to kickoff your own business, what would information technology be?
204. If y'all found out today was your final day on World, what would you lot practise?
205. If you lot could alive anywhere in the world, where would information technology exist?
206. If y'all could relive 1 moment in your life, which would information technology be?
207. If you lot had the opportunity to be immortal, would y'all take information technology?
208. Which famous person in history would you want to spend the day with?
209. If you could fourth dimension travel, when and where would yous go?
210. Do y'all think you'll likely achieve all your dreams?
211. If you could magically become famous, would you want to?
212. A genie gives you 3 wishes—what are they?
Sometimes the oddball questions allow you to learn the well-nigh interesting things about a person. "Unusual questions allow you to run across the varied, unique, and special qualities of a person—their answers give you personal data about what makes them tick," Orbuch says. "These questions too typically go the other person to retrieve exterior box and really ponder something."
Merely you still want to keep things PG, says Williams. "Exist careful with request questions of a sexual nature too early on," she advises. Same goes for the anarchistic-for-a-reason q'due south, a.g.a. anything related to some other person'due south finances, just especially questions almost child support, debt, and credit score.
Ask these ~unconventional~ questions, and you'll definitely get some interesting (in a good way!) answers:
213. Practise you believe in ghosts—why or why not? (Bonus question: If so, are yous afraid of ghosts?)
214. Do yous accept any special skills?
215. Are you double-jointed?
216. What's your game plan in a zombie apocalypse?
217. Can you write in cursive?
218. If you could alive in a movie, which one would information technology exist and why?
219. What's your "dance like nobody's watching" song?
220. Do yous sing in the shower?
221. Are you good at solving puzzles?
222. How many hours do you go to the airdrome earlier a flight?
223. Can yous say your ABCs backwards?
224. If y'all run into a puddle on the footing, do y'all walk around it or over it?
225. If you could accept a super power, what would it be?
226. If you could go back to anytime in history, where would y'all go?
227. If you came back in your next life equally an creature, what animal would you exist?
228. If you got to name a new state, how would you make up one's mind what to telephone call information technology?
229. What would be the championship of your memoir?
230. Exercise you hit the snooze button or wake upwards immediately?
231. What'due south the first thing you practice in the morning?
232. What'due south the last thing you exercise at night?
233. Practice you lot believe in whatever conspiracy theories (no judgement)?
234. Practice you call up iced coffee should only be consumed in the summer or all year circular?
235. Would yous rather exist covered in fur or covered in scales?
236. What's your idea of a perfect date (yeah, of the calendar year)?
237. What's the nigh unusual identify you've fallen asleep?
238. At a party, where can someone detect you?
239. Do you launder your legs in the shower?
240. Who would play y'all in the picture of your life?
241. When making a PB&J sandwich, do you put on the peanut butter or jelly first?
242. Practise you have any allergies?
243. Exercise you trust your ain memory? Why or why not?
244. Which fictional character exercise yous relate to most?
245. What, if annihilation, would brand you walk out in the middle of a motion picture?
246. When was the last fourth dimension you lot cried and why?
247. What'southward your nigh controversial opinion about something mundane?
248. Practise yous "stan" whatever celebrities?
249. What's your go-to midnight snack?
250. What was your all-time favorite Halloween costume?
251. What'due south the weirdest matter you do when you're alone?
252. Do you take whatsoever recurring dreams?
253. What's the silliest statement you've ever been in?
254. What'south the worst argument y'all've ever been in?
255. What'due south your opinion on mod art?
256. What's the about ridiculous outfit y'all've ever worn?
257. If you could own a mythical creature (unicorn, phoenix, etc.), which one would y'all pick?
258. Would you rather have your dishes or clothes be magically make clean?
259. What's your favorite story nearly yourself?
260. If you could change annihilation about yourself, would you? If so, what and why?
"Anytime you reveal personal information to someone else, it increases intimacy between you and the other person," says Orbuch. So let down your guard, and don't be agape to ask (and respond!) these deep questions.
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Source: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a22500573/questions-to-ask-to-get-to-know-someone/
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